RITS
by Kit and Kat1
Summary: (Really Insane Talk Show) We interview Star Wars characters for our own twisted amusement.
1. Ann the Man

Disclsaimer: We do not own Star Wars (duh) , we are just doing this for fun.  
  
Kit: Hi! I'm Kit!  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat!  
  
Kit: And you're watching R.I.T.S!  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Show!  
  
Kit: But before we start, we will sing the Anakin anthem and pledge allegiance to Anakin.  
  
(The two turn to a wall, which is taken up by a larger-than-life photograph of Anakin, Music begins to play.)  
  
Kit, Kat, and 80% of the female audience: Oh, An-a-kin…!  
  
(When the anthem finishes, Kit and Kat place their right hand over their hearts.)  
  
Kit and Kat: I pledge allegiance to Anakin, the hottest Jedi there is, was, or ever will be…!  
  
(When the pledge is over they sit again)  
  
Kat: Today our guest is…Anakin Skywalker!  
  
(Both Kit and Kat scream)  
  
Kit: And here he is!  
  
(Both girls faint with anticipation. Then a small, sandy-haired boy of about nine walks into the studio, sees   
  
the unconscious girls, and rushes to revive them.)  
  
Ani: (Slapping them across the face) Wake up!  
  
Kat: Wha…?  
  
Kit: Huh?  
  
(Both see Ani and scramble backwards)  
  
Kit: You're not Anakin!  
  
Ani: Sure I am. It's on my birth certificate!  
  
Kat: She means, you're not the hot, nineteen-year-old Jedi, we were expecting.  
  
Ani: I'm hot when I'm nineteen?  
  
Kit: Hotter than you can imagine.  
  
Ani: Score!  
  
Kat: Now go away, squirt, while we try to bring in Anakin.  
  
Ani: But I don't want to leave! I like you!  
  
Kit: Remember that when you get older. Now SCOOT!  
  
Ani: No!  
  
Kat: Fine, then you can be our slave.  
  
Ani: Okay! What do I do?  
  
Kit: Stand over there and BE QUIET!  
  
Ani: Okay! (goes to stand 'over there')  
  
Kit: Whew. I think I'd better try and bring Anakin this time, Kat.  
  
Kat: Sure  
  
(Kit closes her eyes and snaps her fingers)  
  
Kat: Oh great job  
  
Kit: What? (opens eyes) Oh…  
  
Darth Vader: Where am I?  
  
Kat: You're on R.I.T.S.!  
  
Kit: Really Insane Talk Show  
  
Vader: Oh…hi (walks towards Ani)  
  
Ani: (hiding behind Kit) Miss? Who's that? He's scary.  
  
Kit: (picking up the small child) Sadly, that's you as an adult.  
  
Ani: I thought you said I am going to be hot!  
  
Kat: You were, then you went evil and it made you ugly.  
  
Ani: Oh…  
  
Kat: Now what do we do? We've got Ani and Vader, but no Anakin! And this dude's freaky breathings   
  
starting to get on my nerves.  
  
(A tall, hot Jedi, holding an upside down map wanders into the studio.)  
  
Anakin: (Not looking up) Excuse me, but could you help me find 'R.I.T.S.'? I've gotten two calls to go there   
  
but I haven't been able to find it.  
  
Kit and Kat: ANAKIN!  
  
(Kit drops Ani as she and Kat rush to Anakin)  
  
Kat: You're here! This is R.I.T.S.!  
  
Anakin: Really?  
  
Kit: Yeah!  
  
Anakin: Cool. And who're they? (gestures towards Ani and Vader)  
  
Kat: Your past and present self.   
  
Anakin: I was short and I'll get lung cancer?  
  
Kit: Yup.  
  
Anakin: Very interesting…  
  
Kat: Ladies and gentlemen! Today we have all three faces of Anakin Skywalker!  
  
(Crowd whoops and cheers and from somewhere in the crowd a person whistles loudly)  
  
Kit: (Looks at the crazy crowd and tries to find the loud whistler) Please have a seat (gestures towards all   
  
three Anakins)  
  
(Anakin sits next to Darth Vader and Ani goes to sit on Kat's lap)  
  
Ani: Can I sit here? Darth Vader scares me.  
  
Kat: Sure. He scares me too.  
  
Vader: I resent that.  
  
Kat: Good for you.  
  
Kit: Alright…well we should start with Ani.  
  
Ani: Wait! What exactly are you going to do?  
  
Kat: Nothing much. Just ask you a bunch of seemingly pointless questions for our own twisted amusement.  
  
Ani: Aha. Ok! Ask away!  
  
Kat: Do you love your mom?  
  
Ani: Uh…I guess…  
  
Kit: Do you love pizza?  
  
Ani: Duh  
  
Kat: Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?  
  
Ani: Um…  
  
Kit: Do you enjoy spending time with Padme?  
  
Ani: Duh!  
  
Kat: Would you die to save your mom's life?  
  
Ani: Heck, no  
  
Kit: Would you die to save Padme's life?  
  
Ani: Heck, no  
  
Kat: Do you really think Padme's an angel?  
  
Ani: No, but she is hot!  
  
Kit: Anakin! Is this true?  
  
Anakin: (hangs head) Yeah…  
  
Kat: Ok…On to Anakin now. Anakin?  
  
Anakin: Yo!  
  
Kit: Alright. Do you love Obi-Wan?  
  
Anakin: NO!  
  
Kat: Riiight…Do you love Mac n' Cheese?  
  
Anakin: No  
  
Kit: (huge gasp)  
  
Kat: (falls off her chair)  
  
Ani: No! Are you alright? (To Anakin) Look what you did! You upset them!  
  
Anakin: And I care because…?  
  
Vader: Strong the dark side is in you... me... whatever.  
  
Anakin: Can it, freak.  
  
Vader: Hey! I'm you, you're calling yourself a freak.  
  
Anakin: Does it look like I care?  
  
Vader: No, but-  
  
Anakin: My point exactly  
  
Vader: (Mouth hangs open in shock *behind the mask*)  
  
Ani: That wasn't very nice.  
  
Anakin: That's your problem midget.  
  
Kit: (sighs) My hero…  
  
Ani: (starts crying) I don't want to turn into him! (buries face in Kat's shoulder)  
  
Kat: Well, if you turn into him, I'll gladly go on a date with you.  
  
Ani: (looks at Kat with eager eyes) Really?  
  
Kat: Yup!  
  
Ani: Yippee! (Hugs Kat)  
  
Kit: What about me?  
  
Anakin: I'll go out with you, if you want.  
  
Kit: YAY! ( runs over and hugs Anakin)  
  
Vader: And who will go out with me?  
  
(Both girls back away and the boys give him a weird look)  
  
Vader: What?  
  
Kit: Ok…well onto another question.   
  
Kat: Do you enjoy spending time with Obi-Wan?  
  
Anakin: Uh... no  
  
Kit: Do you enjoy spending time with Chancellor Palpatine?  
  
Anakin: Duh. He's not corrupt!  
  
Kat: Suuuuuuuuure. You just keep tellin' yourself that.  
  
Kit: Would you die to save Obi-Wan?  
  
Anakin: *beep* NO!  
  
(Kit and Kat gasp)  
  
Vader: You watch your mouth, young man!  
  
Anakin: Put a cork in it, dude, you're not my father.  
  
Vader: We never had a father.  
  
Kat: Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to Shmi about that... But on with the questions! Would you die to save   
  
Chancellor Palpatine's life?  
  
Anakin: *beep* NO!  
  
Kat: The hotter they get, the worse language they use.  
  
Kit: It's time for another question. Should we take this one from the audience?  
  
Kat: Sure (leaps up and walks into the audience. She walks up to a very large Gungan with his hand in the   
  
air) What about you, sir?  
  
Large Gungan: Hey Anakin? Were you shocked when you found out you had kids?  
  
Anakin: I have kids?!  
  
Kit: Bring out Luke and Leia!  
  
(The doors to the studio open and the three Anakin's turn and watch as two small figures come out. One is   
  
a slime green, small, big-eared boy wearing a diaper, a bib and carrying a rattle. The other is a pale blue,   
  
almost exactly the same to the boy except she's wearing a pink diaper, a pink bib and carrying a lollypop)  
  
Anakin: THOSE ARE MY KIDS!?!?!  
  
Ani: (looks disgusted)  
  
Vader: (chuckles to himself because he knows they aren't)  
  
Anakin: Hey…isn't that Master Yoda and Master Yaddle?  
  
The small green boy, apparently Luke: Yoda, I am not, Your son, I am.  
  
The pale blue one, apparently Leia: Your daughter, I am!  
  
Ani: (starts crying again) I don't want those to be my kids.  
  
Kit: WOULD YOU STOP CRYING!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ani: (cries more)  
  
Kat: Kit, be nice!  
  
Kit: Whatever.  
  
Kat: All right... that's enough Anakin. Mr Vader-  
  
Vader: Please, call me Darth  
  
Kat: uh... suure. Darth, Do you love Emperor Palpatine?  
  
Vader: Ew, no!  
  
Kit: Do you love Luke?  
  
(Everyone looks at Yoda, then back at Vader.)  
  
Vader: He's... cool  
  
Kat: Do you enjoy spending time with Emperor Palpatine?  
  
Vader: No. why do you think I killed him?  
  
Anakin: You killed him?!  
  
Kit: I think it was brave and noble of you, Darthy. I can call you Darthy, right?  
  
Vader: Sure. So can you (nods at Kat) and the kid. But not that brat (nods toward Anakin)  
  
Anakin: Hey!  
  
Kat: Okay... Darthy. Do you enjoy spending time with Luke?  
  
Vader: Well, every time I'm with him we're locked in lightsaber battle, but, he's pretty cool. I cut off his hand, you know.  
  
Kit: No, really?  
  
Vader: Really. But he lost my old lightsaber with the hand.  
  
Anakin: That was my lightsaber!  
  
Vader: We got a new one!  
  
Anakin: But it took my months to build that saber! And it's my favourite colour!  
  
Vader: Well, the new one is MY favourite colour. The colour of blood.  
  
Anakin: You're a Sith!  
  
Vader: No, really?  
  
Anakin: I become a Sith!  
  
Vader: You think?  
  
Anakin: And I develop lung cancer!  
  
Vader: That's what you get when you try to "be cool" and go along with what all the other dark and brooding guys are doing. (to camera) Don't smoke kids! It's not cool! You'll end up like me. (demonstrates his freaky breathing)  
  
(Far away in a tobbacco company building)  
  
Head Honcho: We're doomed! No one buys cigarettes anymore! That investment in cancer plants has gone down the drain!  
  
(back at the studio)  
  
Kat: Thank you, Darth.  
  
Vader: Y.  
  
Kat: Whatever. Thanks. Smokings evil, and you've possibly saved thousands of lives.  
  
Vader: Cool.  
  
Kit: Would you die to save Palpatine?  
  
Vader: He's beyond savin'  
  
Kit: Good point.  
  
Kat: Would you die to save Luke?  
  
Vader: I died to SEE Luke, remember?  
  
Kat: Oh yeah...  
  
Kit: Now that we've asked all my seemingly pointless questions, we will take questions from the audience!  
  
Kat: Okay, you in the audience (points at a very old looking Bothan with his hand up) What's your question, sir?  
  
Extremely old Bothan: Yes, Darth Vader. Why do you fly such an annoying ship? It makes a really annoying sound.  
  
Vader: It's broken, and the repair place on the Death Star sucks  
  
Bothan: But they made the Death Star, why can't they fix your ship?  
  
Vader: Because the storm troopers are stupid people, alright? So just shut up and sit down!  
  
Kat: Now now, Darthy...  
  
Vader: YOU SHUT UP TOO!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!! (goes crazy and pulls out lightsaber and swings it around)  
  
Kat: SECURITY!  
  
(security, which happens to be two storm toopers, come up to Vader and drag him away, dodging his blood-red sith-saber)  
  
Kit: Good job, Kat, you lost us a guest!  
  
Kat: He'll be back as soon as he gets out of the loonie bin.  
  
Kit: Okay. Any questions for Ani or Anakin, peoples?  
  
A clone of Boba Fett in the Audience: Ani, I heard that you and Kitster can burp the Alphabet in perfect harmony. Is this true?  
  
Ani: No. Quit listening to Greedo. He's bad news. He thinks I cheated at the podrace.  
  
Kat: Did you?  
  
Ani: No. But I did cheat on that last card game I played with him. Maybe that's why he thinks I'm scum and is spreading rumors about me. Burping the Alphabet? Gross!  
  
Kit: I agree. Any more questions, peoples? How about you, miss?  
  
Attractive female Twi'lek: Anakin, will you go out with me?  
  
Anakin: (drools) sure...  
  
Kit: What about me?  
  
Anakin: What about you?   
  
Kit: You said you'd go out with me!  
  
Anakin: (to the Twi'lek) I don't know her!   
  
Kit: We've known each other forever! You used to babysit me, remember?  
  
Anakin: How could I forget? You were a nightmare.  
  
Kit: That's it! OUT! Here, take my debet card and have some fun, now GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! Wait... your still hot... but I have a whole room at home devoted to you, so, I'll live. Now, take her and SCOOT!  
  
Anakin: YAY! rushes out the door with the Twi'lek.  
  
Kat: Nice goin', now we've just got Ani to interview.  
  
(Ani's comlink gives a little beep. Ani answers it.)  
  
Ani: Hello, Ani here.  
  
Voice at the other end of the line, sounding oddly like Shmi Skywalker : Anakin Leonardo Skywalker, you get your butt back here before I lock you in your room for a month with no meals!  
  
Ani: (sighs) Okay, Mom. Bye. (turns off comlick and looks up) That was my mom. I gotta go home now, or she'll hurt me again. Bye!  
  
Kit: Your middle name's Leonardo?  
  
(Ani leaves)  
  
Kat: How sad. He's being abused at home.  
  
Kit: Think we should do anything about it?  
  
(Both think for a moment)  
  
Both: NAH!  
  
Kit: Well, now that we're out of guests, the show's over. I'm Kit.  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat.  
  
Kit: Tune in next time for more...  
  
Kat: R.I.T.S.!  
  
Both: Bye!  
  
Kit: What do you think you're doing? The show's over!  
  
Kat: Yeah! We've got to go book more guests!  
  
Yoda: Get out of this embarrassing getup, I must  
  
Yaddle: 50,000 credits each for the Jedi funds, you promised us, if we went along with your scheme.  
  
Kit: Uh... well... the thing about that is...  
  
Kat: (looking at Yoda and Yaddle, both wearing very intimidateing looks) C'mon, Kit, RUN!  
  
(Both run away as fast as they can, but Yoda and Yaddle are gaining on them with the Force.)  
  
Kat: That's all, people!  
  
Kit: I'm Kit  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat  
  
Kit: Tune in next time for more R.I.T.S.  
  
Kat: If we survive that long.  
  
Kit: Now,SCOOT!  
  
A/N: If you have questions for The faces of Obi-Wan, e-mail them to us, please! 


	2. Everybody Loves Obi

Chapter 2  
  
Kit: Hi I'm Kit  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat.  
  
Kit: And you're watching R.I.T.S.  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Show  
  
Kit: Before we begin, we will sing the Anakin anthem and pledge allegiance to Anakin, even if he is a twit.  
  
(After the anthem and the pledge, the two sit back down in their chairs.)  
  
Kat: Today, due to the shocking success of the previous episode-  
  
Kit: If you can call it shocking (nurses broken arm in a cast)  
  
Kat: We will be interviewing the three faces of Obi-Wan!  
  
(crowd whoops and claps. A loud whistle is heard)  
  
Kit: Okay, who did that?  
  
Kat: Who cares? I am pleased to present…(whispers) Drum roll!  
  
(a wookiee off-set beats on a drum)  
  
Kat: Obi-Wan Kenobi!  
  
( An average-sized guy of about 25 enters, his long braid flipping around as he bows and smiles, causing   
  
20% of the female audience who do not sing the Anakin anthem, to swoon)  
  
Obi: Thank you, thank you very much.  
  
Kat: Obi-Wan Kenobi!  
  
(An older looking, bearded man with an I-am-not-amused expression enters, crossing his arms and frowning   
  
upon his younger self.)  
  
Obi-Wan: Must you make such a spectacle?  
  
Obi: Of course. It's fun. And they love me!  
  
Kit: Riiight.  
  
Kat: And last but not-okay maybe least, Old Ben Kenobi!  
  
(A stunted old man with a hood and white hair walks out, looking rather annoyed)  
  
Ben: Obi-Wan, lighten up!  
  
Obi-Wan: You try training that brat of a chosen one!  
  
Ben: I did for longer than you. And look at me!  
  
Obi-Wan: Exactly! He gives me a new grey hair every two minutes!  
  
Obi: I knew he was trouble!  
  
Ben: More trouble than you can imagine.  
  
Kit: OKAY! That's enough self-bonding, time to get on with the questions.  
  
Kat: We'll start with Obi. Ok Obi, do you think there is something going on between Yoda and Yaddle?  
  
Obi: EW! I don't know and I don't want to know!  
  
Kit: Ok, ok. Do you have gelling for Padmé?  
  
Obi: Umm…uhh…no?  
  
Kat: Uh huh…ok Obi, did you ever skip training to buy candy?  
  
Obi: Never!  
  
Obi-Wan and Ben: LIAR!  
  
Obi: (whispers) shut up!  
  
Kit: It's okay, Obi, we all love candy.  
  
Ben: It rots my teeth. Thanks to those two.  
  
Obi-Wan: I never ate a piece of candy when I was a Master.  
  
Ben: Ok, you and I both know that's a total lie.  
  
Obi-Wan: Is not!  
  
Ben: Is too!  
  
Obi-Wan: Is not!  
  
Ben: Is too!  
  
( This continues for five minutes before the hostesses decided to stop it)  
  
Kat: OKAY! ENOUGH!  
  
Obi: I can't believe that's gonna be me.  
  
Kit: I think we need a peace song.  
  
Kat: Right-o!  
  
(Both pull out guitars and start strumming)  
  
Kit and Kat: She's a good girl, loves her momma, loves Jesus, and America too. She's a good girl, crazy bout   
  
Elvis, loves horses, and her boyfriend too…(continues until the song is over)  
  
Obi: (with a tear in his eye) That was beautiful.  
  
Kat: Thank you!  
  
Obi: (continues to stare at Kat and scoots closer to her. She gives him a weird look and moves further away)  
  
Kit: Ok…another question. How about someone from the audience?  
  
Strange Insane Person from the audience: Obi, do you like Cocoa Puffs or Corn Pops better?  
  
Obi: DUH! Cocoa Puffs!  
  
Strange Insane Person from the Audience: AS i sus-PECT-ed [scribbles something on   
  
clipboard]  
  
Kit: Excuse me, miss, what are you doing?  
  
Strange Insane Person from the Audience: Uhh... Nothing...  
  
Kit: Suuuuuuuuuure. SECURITY!  
  
(Securety, this time three grand moffs from the Death Star, as the Storm Troopers died at Darth Vader's lightsaber. Did I mention that da big V never made it to the Loonie Bin? Don't worry, you're perfectly safe... I hope.)  
  
Strange Insane person from the audience: (being pulled away by Securety and screaming) NO!!!!!! NO!!!!! PLEASE NO!!!!!!!  
  
Kat: Okaaaaay.... next question!  
  
Kit: If you could have anything in the universe, what would it be?  
  
Obi: I miss... *sniff* Master Qui-Gon... *breaks down completely and cries uncontrolably*  
  
Obi-Wan: For Force' sake, pull yourself together, man!  
  
Obi: B-b-but- *continues crying*  
  
Obi-Wan: *covering his ears* if I could have anything in the universe, I'd pick a peaceful, quiet resort in which to savor my early retirement, with no whiny crybabies like him, or my bratty apprentice.  
  
Anakin's Voice: I heard that!  
  
Ben: I would select an all-expenses-paid trip to the Bahamas with Luminara.  
  
Kit: So you DO like her!  
  
Obi-Wan: No!  
  
Ben: Liar.  
  
Obi: Wait! Who are we talking about here?  
  
Obi-Wan and Ben: You don't know her.  
  
Obi: Is she hot?  
  
Ben: Yes.  
  
Obi-Wan: No.  
  
Ben: Liar.  
  
Obi-Wan: Jedi don't fall in love.  
  
Ben: They don't lie, either.  
  
Obi-Wan: I'm not lying!  
  
Ben: then how come your face is all red?  
  
Obi-Wan: It's... hot in here.  
  
Kat: It's 15 degrees, it's cold!  
  
Obi-Wan: *Through clenched teeth* Not helping.  
  
Kat: Fine. :-P mneh  
  
Ben: You like her. Admit it.  
  
Obi-Wan: (valiantly) Never!  
  
Kit: Does she like you?  
  
Obi-Wan: Of course not!  
  
Ben: Of course!  
  
Kit: Just marry her and quit with this.  
  
Obi-Wan: Jedi don't get married.  
  
Kat: But Anakin did!  
  
Obi-Wan: What?! Padawan! Come here NOW!  
  
(Anakin walks in, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground.)  
  
Anakin: Y-yes, Master....s?  
  
(All Obi-Wans are now staring at Anakin. Obi in disbelief that this is that little brat from Tatooine, Obi-Wan looking very serious, and Ben cowering, slightly)  
  
Obi-Wan: is this true, Anakin?  
  
Anakin: Is what true, Master?  
  
Obi-Wan: That you married Padme  
  
Anakin: (whispers to Kit and Kat) it was supposed to be a secret  
  
Kit: (whispers back) that's what you get for running off with that girl form the audience  
  
(padme suddenly appears)  
  
Padme: YOU WHAT?!?!?!  
  
Anakin: Ummm... (starts to sweat)  
  
Kat: Ran off with a girl from the audience, ma'am  
  
Padme: Ooo, Skywalker, you are in trouble now  
  
Anakin: ( in whiny voice) Master help!  
  
Obi-Wan: (stares in disbelief and goes to say something but gets a glare from Padme) may the force be with you my young apprentice  
  
Anakin: (begins to cry uncontrolably) no!  
  
(Padme and Anakin leave the stage)  
  
(Kit and Kat exchange looks and burst out laughing)  
  
Obi: How is that funny? She's gonna kill him!  
  
Kit: (between laughs) serves him right for running off with that girl   
  
Kat: (laughs so hard she falls off her chair and lands in Obi's lap. Obi gives her a weird grin and she quickly leaps from the floor to her chair) Alright (smooths her shirt) how about another question?  
  
Kit: ok, this question is for Ben. How come you don't remember R2-D2?  
  
Ben: who's R2-D2?  
  
Kit: YOUR DROID!  
  
Ben: My what?  
  
(Kit screams and leaps for Ben)  
  
Kat: KIT NO!!!! PEACE OVER ANGER, HONOR OVER HATE, STRENGTH OVER FEAR!!!!  
  
Kit: (sits back down) of course. I am a Jedi, Keeper of Peace in the Universe. Not a disturber of it.  
  
Obi-Wan: When did you become a Jedi?  
  
Kat: When we said we were all powerful Jedis.  
  
Obi-Wan: The plural of Jedi is Jedi  
  
Kat: Does it look like I care?  
  
Obi-Wan: not really.  
  
Kat: Exactamondo big guy.  
  
Kit: ok, how about another question for Obi-Wan?  
  
Obi-Wan: (head in hands) Oh no...  
  
Kit: So, did you ever mock Master Yoda behind his back?  
  
Obi-wan: NEVER! *starts to giggle* he's so short though...  
  
  
  
Kat: How dare you mock Master Yoda!!!!!! He is the coolest short, old dude I know!  
  
Obi-Wan: you know Master Yoda?  
  
Kat: Oh yeah we go way back (hands Obi-wan a picture of Kat and Yoda with their arms around each and Yoda dangling in the air, smiling for the camera)  
  
Obi-Wan: wow  
  
Kat: Yup  
  
Kit: So you DID make fun of him?  
  
Obi-Wan: (hanging head) yeah....  
  
Kat: Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm ashamed of you!  
  
Obi: But that was my older version, you're not ashamed of me, are you?  
  
Kat: ummmm no...  
  
Kit: I AM! HE WAS MEAN ABOUT MASTER YODA!  
  
(Master Yoda runs in, whacks Obi-Wan over the head with his gaffi stick, and runs off-stage)  
  
Obi-Wan: (starts to cry) that hurt!  
  
Kit: You deserved it!  
  
Kat: Making fun of poor Yoda... tsk tsk.  
  
Obi: You don't think I'm bad do you Kat? I mean, that's the older me!  
  
Kat: No I don't, so shut it!  
  
Obi: Of course.  
  
Kit: O...k then, anyways how about our contest announcement now Kat?  
  
Kat: sure Kit!  
  
Kit: Great. Here's the deal.   
  
Kat: you leave a review with an asterisk in it and we'll enter you in a draw for a cameo on our show!  
  
Kit: If you win, you get a cameo in our show, with a character of your choice!  
  
Kat: So leave reviews and after a week we'll say who wins in the next chapter.  
  
Kit: And we'll talk to you about what character you want, so the next chapter after the announcement, we give you your cameo!  
  
Obi: Can I enter?  
  
Kat: Sure.  
  
Kit: Who's your favourite character?  
  
Obi: Kat.  
  
Kat: (edges away from Obi) then again, you can't enter sorry, only reviewers.  
  
Kit: ok so send us your reviews and entry code thingy and we'll put you in a draw for the cameo!  
  
Kat: So, that's all, people!  
  
Obi: You mean I have to leave now?  
  
Kat: Yes  
  
Obi: Can't I stay? Please?  
  
Kat: NO  
  
Kit: STALKER!  
  
Kat: SECURETY!  
  
(securety comes in again and drags Obi out of the studio. He hurls crumpled piece of paper at Kat before he is gone)  
  
Kit: What is it?  
  
Kat: (smooths paper) It's... his number.  
  
Kit: I advise you to stay away from him in the future.  
  
Kat: No duh  
  
Kat and Kit: Thanks again for joining us on R.I.T.S. we hope to see you next time!   
  
(show ends with a shot of Yoda whacking Obi-Wan with his gaffi stick, Ben having a rather aggressive "chat" with Anakin, and Kit and Kat getting into their limousine as big guys in black suits and shades look around suspiciously) 


	3. A Scandal, We Have

Chapter Three  
  
Kit: Hi! I'm Kit!  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat!  
  
Kit: And you're watching - reading - whatever... R.I.T.S.!  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Show!  
  
Kit: And, as always, before we begin, we will sing the Anakin Anthem and pledge alliegence to Anakin, although he isn't lookin' to hot right now.   
  
[a candid shot shows Anakin unconcious in a hospital ward with his head bandaged, two black eyes, a slightly crooked nose, his right arm in a cast, his left forefinger in a splint, his lip bleeding, numerous other cuts and bruises, and a pair of crutches leaning against the bed.]  
  
Kat: Concequences ain't priddy when you're dealing with the former Queen of Naboo, who also happens to be your wife. tsk tsk.  
  
[They rise, sing the anthem, recite the pledge, and sit back down]  
  
Kit: Alright, today we have a scandal. *puts fingers together manacingly* a Yoda/Yaddle scandal to be precise.  
  
Kat: Think we should have them back, Kit? We kinda owe them credits.  
  
Kit: Don't worry, we've got body guards.  
  
[Two very large Wookiees in black jackets and wearing black sunglasses come out and stand behind the girls.]  
  
Kat: Okay... Well, here's Yoda!  
  
[a small, green, froglike creature steps out onto the stage, glaring at Kit and Kat]  
  
Yoda: Owe me 50,000 credits, you do.  
  
Kit: About that... well, next character... Yaddle!  
  
Yaddle: Pay me 50,000 credits, you must. *looks threatening, helped greatly by the large man standing behind her wearing a woolen balaclava and holding a bloody scimitar*  
  
[Both the Wookiees and the man glare at each other]  
  
Kit: Doesn't that itch? *gestures toward the balaclava*  
  
Man: No.  
  
Kat: It must. It's 100% wool, right?  
  
Man: Yes.  
  
Kit: Is that all you can say? Yes or No?  
  
Man: Yes. No.  
  
Kat: Well, make up your mind already!  
  
Man: She's making me do this. *points scimitar at Yaddle*  
  
Yaddle: *quietly* cuz if do this, you do not, show your girlfriend that picture of you in a bikini, I will.  
  
Man: *promptly stops talking*  
  
Kat: Ooo, Yaddle's blackmailing people, that'll make a good show.  
  
Yaddle: *waves hand Jedi-style* Blackmailing him, I am not.  
  
Kit: Yes, you are  
  
Yaddle: *waves hand a little bit more insistantly* Blackmailing him, I am not.  
  
Kat: YES, you are! What, you think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that?  
  
Kit: We're freaks. Mind-tricks don't work on us.  
  
Yaddle: *censored*  
  
Kit: Anyway... back to reality.  
  
Kat: What reality? We're hosting a fictional TV show with fictional characters in a fictional studio.  
  
Kit: But good authors can make the audience believe this is all real. And if it's not real, how come THIS happened? *waves arm, which is still in a cast, under Kat's nose*  
  
Kat: Good point. Okay. Back to reality.  
  
Kit: At least, reality for us freak-Jedi  
  
Kat: Of course. Yoda, Yaddle, please sit down.  
  
*Yoda and Yaddle sit down on large, squashy armchairs, and sink down to their ears*  
  
Both: Help, we need!  
  
Kat: ...On second thought, maybe it would be better if you just stood.  
  
*Man with scimitar pulls both Yoda and Yaddle up by their ears, and sets them down on the floor*  
  
Kit: Alright. The two of you know why you're here, don't you?  
  
Yoda: Know, we do not.  
  
Kat: I think you do.  
  
Yaddle: Deaf, are you? Know, we do not.  
  
Kit: You just keep tellin' yourself that.  
  
Yoda: *waves gaffi stick threateningly*  
  
Kit: Oh, that reminds me. We had a reviewer who said it's a gimmer stick, not a gaffi stick. what are your thoughts on this?  
  
Yoda: Gimmer stick, I have, but gaffi stick, this is. Present from young Skywalker, this is.  
  
Kit: And what do you use it for?  
  
Yoda: If really want to know, you do, more than glad to show you, I would be. *waves stick even more threateningly than the first time*  
  
Kit: Er... that won't be necessarry  
  
Kat: Well, as you won't admit it you know why you're here, and as the audience doesn't know, I suppose we'll have to tell you why you're here.  
  
Yaddle: Helpful, that would be.  
  
Kit: Okay.   
  
Kat: In a word...  
  
Both: SCANDAL!  
  
*Yoda and Yaddle are blasted back from the force of the yell. They fly out the window to the left of the stage.*  
  
Yoda: (^_^) Wheeeeee! Fly, I can!  
  
Yaddle: *flapping her arms* (^_^) Birds, we are!  
  
*both crash into a brick wall*  
  
Kat: Will somebody go get them?!  
  
*Yoda and Yaddle are brought back by a Mon Calamari lighting dude*  
  
Yaddle: All the pretty birdies, look at!  
  
Yoda: (@_@) *falls over*  
  
Kit: MEDICS!  
  
*Luke, Han, and Lando come out wearing tight white nurse's dresses, little white nurse's hats, red lipstick, fake eyelashes, pantyhose and black high-heels*  
  
Lando: You called?  
  
Kit: Obviously.  
  
Luke: *hopefully* Do you need CPR?  
  
Kit: ew, NO!  
  
Han: Then what do you need?  
  
Lando: Make it quick, we've got to get back to our monopoly game.  
  
Kat: Who's winning?  
  
Kit: Who cares?  
  
Luke: I'm winning. I've got boardwalk and park place and all the railroads, and $10, 000!  
  
Kit: Lovely. Now would you please do something about them? *points at Yoda and Yaddle*  
  
Han: What's wrong with them?  
  
Kit: Hmm, I don't know, maybe they're UNCONCIOUS?!?!  
  
Kat: Kit. Breathe in.... breathe out...  
  
Kit: *Imitates Darth Vader's breathing*  
  
Kat: *joins her*  
  
Luke: *muttering insanely* No... breathing... all around me... no escape... father... sith... hand....  
  
Han: *whacks him with the millenium falcon*  
  
Luke: Thanks.  
  
Han: No problem, kid.  
  
Kit: Quel est le problème avec vous les gens?!?! Vous êtes des médecins, vous êtes censés les rétablir!! Nous devons poursuivre avec l'émission! Êtes vous mentalement instable?!?! Êtes vous sourd?!?! Ivre?!?! Stupide plat juste?!?! Je dois à--  
  
Kat: KIT!  
  
Kit: Que voulez-vous? Oh... Did I start yappin' in French again?  
  
Everyone present: YES.  
  
Kit: whoopsies... sorry.  
  
Luke: *pats her back* It's okay. we all lose our tempers sometimes  
  
Kit: *gets that weird i-am-so-mad-it-is-a-struggle-not-to-just-kill-you look* Excuse me. *walks into a small room off-set and soon the sounds of screams, breaking glass, ripping paper and large objects hitting the wall reach their ears.*  
  
Kat: Well... we should probably wait till she gets out.  
  
Kit: I'm not coming out untill those morons are gone.  
  
Kat: Okay guys, do something about Yoda and Yaddle, then leave.  
  
*Yoda and Yaddle wake up, slowly*  
  
Lando: They're up...  
  
Han: And we're out.  
  
Luke: Ta ta!  
  
*the nurses leave the set*  
  
Kat: Kit, it's safe!  
  
Kit: *walks back out onto the set, smoothing her hair* Good. I was running out of things to break.  
  
Kat: What exactly did you break?  
  
Kit: Uhh... *counts on her fingers* a paper shredder, an easy-bake oven, a telescope, a xerox machine, a terrarium, a grandfather clock, a stapler gun, a lawn chair, a china tea set from the sixteenth century, a bust of Ludwig von Beethoven and a volkswagon beetle.   
  
Kat: Oh, is THAT all. I thought you might've gone and broken something important.  
  
Kit: NEVER.  
  
Kat: Of course. Back to the show?  
  
Kit: Naturally. So. Yoda. Yaddle. You consider yourselves model members of the Jedi Order?  
  
Yoda: True, that is.  
  
Yaddle: The best, we are.  
  
Kat: Well, how do you think your loyal kights would feel if they knew what's going on between the two of you?  
  
Yoda: Talking about, what are you?  
  
Kit: Oh, I think you know the answer to that.  
  
*Yaddle and Yoda give her a death-glare*  
  
Kit: You just don't want to admit it.  
  
Kat: But we know the truth.  
  
Kit: So how long have you two been... together?  
  
Yoda: Together, we are not  
  
Yaddle: Really?  
  
Yoda: Really, yes.  
  
Yaddle: Not what you said last night, that is.  
  
Yoda: Shut your mouth, You should.   
  
Kit: Keep in mind that this is a PG fic. All content should be suitable for children age nine and up. Otherelse they'll figure out where I am.  
  
Kat: Who?  
  
Kit: You don't want to know  
  
Kat: Alright, okay Yoda, why do you deny being involved with Yaddle?  
  
Yoda: because not involved with her, I am!  
  
Yaddle: *starts crying* Embarrassed by me, you are?  
  
Kit: Hey, Kat.  
  
Kat: Yeah?  
  
Kit: I just thought of something.  
  
Kat: What's that?  
  
Kit: If there IS something going on between them, do we really want to know? I mean, the truth could end up scarring us for life.  
  
Kat: True, but there's always a place for us at the loony bin, you know they always keep a padded room and straitjackets waiting.  
  
Kit: Okay, well, I think we've put Yoda and Yaddle through enough hardships, the poor things.  
  
Kat: Okay, well, now a break!  
  
Break: Get ready for a new exciting story here on fanfiction.net! Yaeb Ginn is sent to his homeplanet, Galia, to find the last message his father sent to him before he left. Before that, he must use hit-and-run tactics to take out Peace Brigade outposts. He doesn't have his friends to help him now. Rated PG-13 for violence. The author is Yaeb Ginn, so check it out!  
  
Kat: Yaeb Ginn sounds soooo hot! *sighs dreamily*  
  
Kit: *smacks Kat over the head* Wake up.  
  
Kat: So, anyone who likes me, Kat, should go check out this story  
  
Kit: Or anyone who wants Kat to just shut her mouth and work without liking every male in sight, read The Adventures Of Yaeb Ginn by yaebginn  
  
Kat: Hey-  
  
Kit: Alright, well, that's a wrap of this show, so tune in next time for-  
  
Kat: WAIT!  
  
Kit: What?  
  
Kat: The contest winner, duh!  
  
Kit: Okay, well, the winner of the contest is... Essie Aster!!!!!   
  
Kat: Yes, well, she was the seventh picked, actually.  
  
Kit: The first ones were Obi-Wan.  
  
Kat: *shudders* Stalker creep...  
  
Kat: So this ends our lovely show.  
  
Kit: I'm Kit  
  
Kat: and I'm Kat  
  
Kit: Tune in next time for more RITS!  
  
Kat: Hang on.  
  
Kit: *half way out of her chair* What now? I need lemonade!  
  
Kat: A reviewer asked if we're sure Anakin's middle name is Leonardo.  
  
Kit: Well, are we?  
  
Kat: I don't know. But I know who would!  
  
Kit: yesss...  
  
Both: AAAANA-KIIIIIIIIN!!!!  
  
*Anakin is wheeled into the studio by the "Medics"*  
  
Kit: Oh no. *jumps into a cardboard box*  
  
Anakin: You yelled?  
  
Kat: Uh, yes. We were wondering, what's your middle name?  
  
Anakin: Francis.  
  
Kat: Not Leonardo?  
  
Anakin: No.  
  
Kat: Then how come your mom called you Anakin Leonardo?  
  
Anakin: She had issues.  
  
Kit: *muffled from inside the box* Got that right!  
  
Kat: So you're name is Anakin Francis Skywalker?  
  
Anakin: Yeah. Can I go back to the Hospital now?  
  
Kat: Umm... yeees...  
  
  
  
Anakin: Thanks.  
  
Kat: If you sing a song for us first.  
  
Anakin: *eyes narrowed* Like what?  
  
Kat: *eyes glittering maliciously*  
  
Anakin: No  
  
Kat: *nods*  
  
Anakin: OH no  
  
Kat: *nods again*  
  
Anakin: I'm injured. I can't get out of bed. My head is killing me.  
  
Kit: *from inside the box* To bad, I wanted to do that.  
  
Anakin: *throws a dirty look at the box* I can't do it.  
  
Kat: Well, you can't escape it. When you've healed, you're singing.  
  
Kit: And dancing.  
  
Kat: With HER.  
  
Anakin: *trembles* Can I go now?  
  
Kat: If you take them with you. *gestures toward Yoda and Yaddle*  
  
Anakin: Deal.  
  
*Han and Lando throw Yoda and Yaddle onto the bed. Luke starts to wheel them away. on the way past the box, Yoda hits it hard with his gaffi stick*  
  
Kit: OW! *angry muttering is heard*  
  
Yoda: For the gaffi stick, thank you, Young Skywalker  
  
Anakin: Don't call me that.  
  
*bed is wheeled out*  
  
Kat: Kit, they're gone!  
  
Kit: *jumps out of the box. rubbing head* 'Bout time. Man, is that midget gonna get it. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I'm Kit.  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat.  
  
Kit: Tune in next time for more RITS!  
  
Kat: With Essie Aster and her favourite character!  
  
Both: BYE!  
  
*show ends with a shot of Kit being served lemonade by her Wookiee bodyguard and Kat's bodyguard "negotiating" with a crazed Obi-Wan who somehow managed to evade capture at the entrance, while Kat hides in the box* 


	4. FIELD TRIP!

Chapter Four  
  
Kit: Hi! I'm Kit!  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat!  
  
Kit: And you're watching RITS!  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Show!  
  
Kit: Now, today we have a rather special show, because our contest winner, Essie Aster, is going to be here, with her favourite character, Boba Fett!  
  
*Crowd whoops and cheers, and a loud whistle is heard*  
  
Kit: Okay, WHO DID THAT? FESS UP NOW, AND I JUST MIGHT SPARE YOUR LIFE!  
  
Kat: Kit... calm...  
  
Kit: I - CAN'T - TAKE - IT - ANY - MORE! I'M GETTING OUT!  
  
*Kit runs off set with her hands over her ears, lalalalalaing loudly*  
  
Kat: O...k... well, seeing as Kit has gone insane, I'll need a temporary host. *summons Legolas and seats him in Kit's chair*  
  
Legolas: What... am... I... doing... here?  
  
Kat: You're my co-host till Kit becomes uninsane.  
  
Legolas: *pff* Like that'll ever happen.  
  
Kat: *smacks Legolas over the head with his bow* She will become...less insane than she is now, then.  
  
Legolas: *rubs head* Owwww....  
  
Kat: OKAY! Time to get this show going. I now present to you... Essie Aster!  
  
*a confused girl steps onto the set*  
  
Legolas: Can I leave?  
  
Kat: NO!  
  
Essie Aster: What am I doing here?  
  
Kat: You won our contest.  
  
Essie Aster: Ohhh.... Cool!  
  
Kat: So, Essie - I can call you Essie, right?  
  
Essie Aster: Uh... I--  
  
Kat: Good. So who's your favourite character?  
  
Essie Aster: Boba Fett.  
  
Legolas: What kind of a name is Boba Fett?  
  
Essie Aster: What kind of a name is Legolas?  
  
Legolas: *pulls out bow and sets an arrow to shoot*  
  
Kat: Hey, hey, save it for later guys, this isn't Jerry Springer.  
  
Legolas: Yeah, whatever. *draws arrow tighter*  
  
Kat: Okay, NO SHOOTING THE GUESTS!  
  
Legolas: Just one shot *puppy eyes* please.  
  
Kat: Must...resist....cuteness!!!!!!!!! *covers her eyes*  
  
Legolas: Kaaaaaattttt.....  
  
Kat: Yes? *eyes still covered*  
  
Legolas: Kaaaatttt....  
  
Kat: WHAT!?!?!?!  
  
Legolas: Can I please shoot her?  
  
Kat: NO! That's final!  
  
Legolas: Fine. *crosses his arms over his chest and pouts*  
  
Kat: Aww, poor widdle Legsie...  
  
Legolas: *Draws another arrow*  
  
Kat: Okay, that's it. If you can't play nice, then I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate your little toy. *snatches bow and arrows from Legolas, and uses the Force to give then to a guy off set, who seals them in a barrel*  
  
Legolas: HEY! MY BOW AND ARROW!!!!!  
  
Kat: Sorry, but it had to be done. You might have hurt someone!  
  
Legolas: THAT'S THE POINT!  
  
Kat: As much as I'd love to continue this little chat with you, we really must be getting on with the show. So, heeeeeeere's Boba Fett!  
  
*a dude in armour walks in, looking as dazed and confused as a guy can look when his face is hidden by a funky helmet*  
  
Boba: What am I doing here?  
  
Kat: You're the third person who's asked that so far. YOU'RE ON RITS, AND YOU'RE HERE TO BE TALKED AT.  
  
Boba: Talked at? *pulls out a blaster* Nobody talks at Boba Fett!  
  
Kat: *sighs* What is WITH you people today? All violent and aggressive. Sheesh. Whatever happened to a nice "Glad to be here"?  
  
Legolas: Maybe we're NOT glad to be here.  
  
Boba: Yeah, really.  
  
Kat: Tough. If you're not glad to be here, why ARE you here?  
  
Legolas: You won't let me leave.  
  
Boba: And a herd of super-evil-hypnotic-plaid-scottish-cows-with-automatic-smoothie-making-machines-and-high-tech-propellors-strapped-to-their-backs are chasing me.  
  
Kat: Super-evil-hypnotic-plaid-scottish-cows-with-automatic-smoothie-making-machines-and-high-tech-propellors-strapped-to-their-backs? That can only mean one thing!  
  
Legolas: Six more weeks of winter?  
  
Kat: Uh... that too. But, where there's super-evil-hypnotic-plaid-scottish-cows-with-automatic-smoothie-making-machines-and-high-tech-propellors-strapped-to-their-backs, there's usually...  
  
Kit: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! *waves furiously at everyone present, smiling a smile that makes your face hurt just to look at it.  
  
Kat: KIT!  
  
Kit: KAT!  
  
Boba: FORCE, NOT HER!  
  
Legolas: *rubs head (sorry, bit of an inside joke. Couldn't resist ^_^)* Oh no...  
  
Kit: Legolas! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! *hugs Legolas*  
  
Kat: Hey! Remember the contract?  
  
Kit: Oh yeah. But is hugging him against the contract? I'm happy to see him! Last time I saw him, he was unconscious in that purple dome in my head ^_^  
  
Legolas: *shudders* I NEVER want to go there again.   
  
Kit: BOBO!  
  
Boba: It's BOBA. Say it right, its not that complicated.  
  
Kit: Sure thing, Bo  
  
Boba: It's BOBA  
  
Kit: Yeah, whatever you say, Mr Fett.   
  
Kat: Feeling better, Kit?  
  
Kit: Yes, thank you, I'm a lot better. I had a can of lemonade ^_^  
  
Kat: Oh no...  
  
Kit: *hiccups* YUP! And, while I was lying in a giggling heap outside the apothecary--  
  
Kat: There's an apothecary in town?  
  
Kit: Yeah, you know. The place where they keep all the rabid squirrels until the government grants them better health care ^_^  
  
Kat: Ugh... You sure you only had ONE can of lemonade? And what were you doing with the stuff anyway? You know what it does to you!  
  
Kit: ^_^ I know! And I only had one can, honest!  
  
Kat: Suuuuuuuuuure.  
  
Kit: Yeah, whatever, Anywayz, I was lying there laughing, when I saw this brilliant flash of light--  
  
Legolas: Was it your brain short-circuiting?  
  
Kit: Close. When I could see again, I noticed that it was a tall dude with a highly polished head!   
  
Kat: *gasp* You don't mean--  
  
Kit: Yes...  
  
Legolas: What?  
  
Kit: *Runs off stage then runs back on, dragging a tall Jedi dude with a highly polished head* Say hi to Macey!  
  
Boba: You!  
  
Mace: Boba... I am your Father!  
  
Boba: No, YOU KILLED MY DADDY! *starts to cry*  
  
Kit: Aww, poor, poor Bobbers. *hugs Boba* Wanna come visit the purple dome in my head?  
  
Boba: *sniff* Uh huh...  
  
Legolas: NO! DON'T FOLLOW HER!!!  
  
Kit: FIELD TRIP!!!!  
  
Legolas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Anakin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Kat: Where'd you come from?  
  
Kit: ANI! *huggles Ani*  
  
Anakin: *is being crushed* Blonde guy! Help me!  
  
Legolas: *looks at Anakin like he's crazy* You're gonna need the Jaws of Life to get her off you.  
  
Kat: Kit... shouldn't we interview Boba now?*  
  
Kit: Wha? Oh, yeah. The Bobmister.  
  
Boba: IT'S BOBA!  
  
Kit: I really couldn't care less, Booboo.  
  
Boba: *mutters* It's Boba.  
  
Kat: Sure, Bobo.  
  
Legolas: Lighten up Bobbers.  
  
Kit: ^_^  
  
Anakin: Hey, I got a question for Bob, were you emotionally scarred for life when you saw your dad's head cut off? And why did you take his suit! Dude! That's wrong!  
  
Boba: This isn't his suit. I duplicated it, cuz I liked the style. And yes, I've been scarred for life. *bursts into tears*  
  
Kat: Poor Bobo.  
  
Kit: Hey, whatever happened to the field trip?  
  
Kit and Kat: TO THE FREAKMOBILE!  
  
Legolas: This can't be good....  
  
Kat: *grabs Legolas* Let's go!  
  
*everyone piles into a large tie-dye painted bus, and it is flown to a place far away, but close by...*  
  
Kat: WE'RE HERE!  
  
Kit: WHEEEEEEEE! *runs around the purple dome in her head*  
  
Legolas: It looks like....space.  
  
Kit: Oh-- *claps hands*  
  
*lights turn on and they can see the transparent purple dome, which they are within*  
  
Everyone: Ooo...  
  
Kit: ^_^  
  
Kat: KIT! Watch this! *snaps fingers and two cases of lemonade and root beer appear*  
  
Kit: YAY! *starts guzzling root beer and lemonade*  
  
Kat: *whispers* Anakin, watch this. *snaps her fingers again and brings a mime into Kit's pop. the mime pops out of Kit's pop can, right in front of her face*  
  
Kit: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!! *scrambles backward and curls up in a ball, eyes screwed up in fear*  
  
Kat: *snaps fingers and the mime turns into a little bug. Steps on the bug* I am sorry Kit.  
  
Kit: OKAY! heeheeheeheeheehee...  
  
Anakin: *laughing so hard he is crying*  
  
Kat: *glares at Anakin*  
  
Kit: Oh dear. We'd better get started on the questions before I go totally nutso.  
  
Kat: Yeah. *pulls a slip of paper out of her pocket* Oh! yaebginn had a question for Boba. He wants to know if his suit has a place where he can pee.  
  
Boba: No I do not have a place to pee, which is why I do not drink a lot. It takes a long time to take off the suit.  
  
Kat: Someone's moody.....  
  
Boba: Because I don't want to be here!  
  
Anakin and Legolas: Join the club.  
  
Kit: TO BAD! YOU'RE STUCK HERE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!  
  
Anakin, Boba and Legolas: O.o  
  
Kat: Legolas, I thought you liked me?  
  
Legolas: You're a freak!  
  
Kat: THANK YOU! *hugs Legolas*  
  
Kit: ^_^ Awww, it's a Kodak moment! *takes out camera and takes picture. flash blinds everyone present*  
  
Anakin: My eyes! My poor eyes!  
  
Kit: I can't seee!!!! A-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *spins rapidly and crashes into a wall* Ow... heeheehee...  
  
Kat: *sits on her spinny computer chair and starts spinning rapidly* Wooo hooo!!!  
  
Legolas, Anakin, Kit and Boba: *watch Kat spin, their heads following her* Whoa.....  
  
Kit: FUNFUN!!! LEMME TRY!  
  
Kat: NO WAY! GET YOUR OWN SPINNY COMPUTER CHAIR!  
  
Kit: Well you don't have to be so rude about it. *crouches in the corner, muttering about "the precious"*  
  
Kat: I'm sorry! *hands Kit a nice big cushy spinny chair*  
  
Kit: YAY!  
  
Kit and Kat: *spin around in their chairs* Wheee!  
  
Legolas, Anakin and Boba: *run for the door*  
  
Kit: HEY!  
  
Kat: Come back!  
  
*Legolas, Boba and Anakin try to force their way out the door, until they realize the door is just a bunch of lines crayoned on the wall.*  
  
Legolas: There's no escape! *drops on his knees and sobs madly*  
  
Kat: Awww poor Legolas. *hugs Legolas*  
  
Legolas: *hugs Kat* maybe this isn't so bad....  
  
Anakin: OH NO! They've brainwashed him!  
  
Boba: We gotta get out of here!  
  
Anakin: Help me, Boba Fett. You're my only hope.  
  
Boba: O.o  
  
Kit: ^_^ LETS ALL PLAY STAR WARS!  
  
Anakin: What?  
  
Kit: I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid.  
  
Anakin: That's cause no dealer in their right mind would sell you one.  
  
Kat: *is suddenly wearing one of Padmé's priddy gowns* Priddy! *dances around in the priddy gown*  
  
Kit: *Is dressed up like Han Solo* YAY! TAKE THAT, REBEL SCUM!  
  
*Kit and Kat look around at everyone.*   
  
Kat: Aw, come on guys. You can't play Star Wars dressed like that!  
  
*Kit and Kat spin rapidly, and everyone is dressed up in rather... unfitting outfits*  
  
Legolas: *is wearing a storm trooper outfit* My hair! My hair! *rips off the helmet, only to find his perfect hair, as always, perfect*  
  
Anakin: *looks in a mirror* Hey! MY hair! *is dressed up like Princess Leia in A New Hope* It looks so...  
  
Boba: Tasty! *tries to take a bite out of Anakin's hair*  
  
Anakin: Hey! Watch it! Or I might not give you Han Solo for your boss!  
  
Kit: Thanks, Ani! You saved me!  
  
Anakin: What? NOOO! *shoves Kit at Boba* Take her!  
  
Kat: *still wearing one of Padmé's priddy orangy yellow gowns* This is fun! *twirls around and her hair is suddenly like Padmé's hairstyle* Wowsers!  
  
Boba: OH no, you wanted to keep her so bad, she's yours! Plus... *is dressed up like Darth Maul* I don't think Sith work for Hutts.   
  
Mace: Uh...  
  
Kit:: Macey! I'd forgotten about you!  
  
Mace: Everyone does.  
  
Kat: *laughs hysterically*  
  
Mace: *teeth clenched* Its - not - funny! *is dressed up like Yoda, green construction paper ears taped to his head*  
  
Legolas: *in corner, with his helmet on the ground, brushing his hair in front of a mirror* My hair...my precious hair....  
  
Kat: *still twirling around in Padmé's gown*  
  
*suddenly Padmé appears, in a pair of fuzzy pajama pants, a tank top and bunny slippers*  
  
Padmé: I believe that is my gown.  
  
Kat: I'm wearing it.  
  
Padmé: Well I wanna!  
  
Kat: You have 50 bizillion gowns, choose another one!  
  
Padmé: Well I want that one!  
  
Kat: You're not Queen anymore, girly! You can't boss ME around!  
  
Padmé: Oh yeah?  
  
Kat: YEAH!  
  
Padmé: Yeah?  
  
Kat: Yeah!  
  
Padmé: Well... well... *starts to cry and runs out the door*  
  
Kat: HA!  
  
Anakin: Padmé! *tries to run after he but the door is suddenly crayon lines again* Son of a Sith!  
  
Kit and Kat: *gasp*  
  
Legolas: Watch your language around the ladies!  
  
Anakin: Know what, Blondie? I don't care! I don't care if your hair is messed. I don't care if I swore at them. I DON'T CARE IF MACE SINGS AN IRISH DITTY! I WANT OUT OF HERE! I need to comfort my Padmé!  
  
Mace: *sings* In Dublin's fair city, where girls are so pretty...  
  
Kit: *is suddenly dressed like a leprechaun and starts dancing an Irish dance* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MOLLY MALONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT SONG SCARES ME! YET I STILL DANCE TO IT! I'M SCARED OUT OF MY WHITS, YET I STILL DRESS UP LIKE A LEPRECHAUN AND SING! GO FIGURE! LALALA!  
  
*the song goes on for awhile...*  
  
Mace: *finishing up the song* And her ghost wheels the barrow through the streets broad and narrow cryin' cockles and mussels, alive, alive oh!  
  
Kit: *screams and dances around the dome*  
  
Anakin: *on the ground crying*  
  
Legolas: *bobbing his head to the song*  
  
Kat: *twirling in the dress* It looks so priddy!   
  
*cut to Padmé's house where she is trying to find another dress to wear. cut back to Kit and Kat*  
  
Legolas: *looks up from the corner* Sorry to interrupt, but isn't this supposed to be a talk show? I mean, aren't we supposed to be interviewing Boba?  
  
Kit: You're right! We are! I guess we were having so much fun we plum forgot! Essie! Anything you wanna ask Boba?  
  
*they look around and notice that Essie Aster is nowhere in sight*  
  
Anakin: Wha... where'd she go?  
  
*laughter is heard. They look out the transparent dome walls to see Essie Aster outside waving*  
  
*Boba, Anakin and Legolas stand up, shocked*  
  
Legolas: Wha...? HOW DID SHE GET OUT?! THERE'S NO DOOR!  
  
*Essie turns to leave*  
  
Boba: NOOOOO! *runs up to the non-existent door, slams up against it and sticks* YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE! TAKE ME WITH YOU!! PLEASE!  
  
Anakin: *curled up in a ball, muttering insanely* No escape... no escape... death... pain... insanity... PASTRIES!  
  
Kit: Kat... maybe we shouldn't give readers cameos. I think it goes to our heads.  
  
Kat: I think you're right *twirls around in the dress* Think we should let Boba go?  
  
Kit: Are you kidding? We haven't finished interrogating him yet! And he looks SOOOOOO CUTE in that Darth Maul outfit!  
  
Boba: I - AM - NOT - CUTE. I - AM - THE - MOST - DANGEROUS - MAN - IN - THE - GALAXY!  
  
Anakin: Awwwwww.... Why couldn't I be the most dangerous man in the galaxy?  
  
Boba: You're not all powerful.  
  
Anakin: Well I should be. Some day I will be. I will even learn to stop people from dying!  
  
Legolas: Whoa. someone's a little angst-y today  
  
Anakin: *uses the Force to choke Legolas*  
  
Kat: LEGOLAS! *uses the Force to throw Anakin backwards*  
  
*Legolas falls down to the ground, gasping for breath. Kat runs to his side*  
  
Kat: Legolas... My Legolas...  
  
Legolas: It's too late... it's...  
  
Kat: No!  
  
Legolas: Kat, promise... promise me you'll train the boy...  
  
Kat: Yes, Master.  
  
Legolas: He is the Chosen One... he will bring balance... train him...  
  
*Legolas falls back and lies still*  
  
Kat: *whispers* No... Legolas... *cries*  
  
Kit: *pokes Legolas* Chill, he's just asleep.  
  
Kat: What?  
  
Legolas: *snores*  
  
Kat: Why, that little... *slaps Legolas round the face*  
  
Legolas: *wakes up* OW! What was that for?!  
  
Kat: For putting me through such trauma. I thought you were dead!  
  
Legolas: Cool!  
  
Kat: *glares*  
  
Legolas: I... I mean, not cool. Very not cool. I'm sorry, Kat.. *hugs Kat*  
  
Kat: YAY!   
  
Legolas: So am I forgiven?  
  
Kat: Yup!  
  
Legolas: Great. So, can I go now?  
  
Kat: *laughs hysterically* Nope, Legolas, you're stuck with me for a long time.  
  
Legolas: *groans*  
  
Kat: What was that?  
  
Legolas: I said, uh, "yippee"?  
  
Kat: That's better.  
  
Boba: Can I pleeeeease leave?  
  
Kit: Sure.  
  
Boba: :-D YAY!  
  
Kit: Right after we ask you a few either/or questions, since we don't have much time left.  
  
Boba: Ask away!  
  
Kit: Alright. We will give you two options, and I want you to pick the one you like the most. Okay?  
  
Boba: Yeah, sure, go ahead.  
  
Kit: Gruel or porridge?  
  
Boba: Porridge.  
  
Kat: Butterflies or ponies?  
  
Boba: Butterflies.  
  
Anakin: Blaster or lightsaber?  
  
Boba: Blaster.  
  
Kit: Cocoa or coffee?  
  
Boba: Neither. I told you, I try not to drink stuff.  
  
Kit: Oh yeah. Pink or purple?  
  
Boba: Pink. Pink's priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddy.  
  
Anakin: Boxers or briefs?  
  
Boba: Um... that's a very personal question... I'd prefer not to answer it.  
  
Anakin: No problem.  
  
Legolas: Half ponytail or pig-tails?  
  
Boba: Pig-tails.  
  
Legolas: Okey-dokey! *takes out mirror and fiddles with his hair*  
  
Kat: Okay, Kit, I think it's about time we let Bobbers go. We're almost out of time.  
  
Kit: Awwww...  
  
Boba: Yes!  
  
Legolas: Please.  
  
Anakin: *eyes shut tight* There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.  
  
Kit: *pouts* Oh, okay. *stands motionless*  
  
Legolas: I thought you were gonna let us leave!  
  
Kit: Look around you, genius.  
  
*they are back in the studio*  
  
Anakin: FREEDOM!!!! *runs off set, yelling about a permanent vacation*  
  
Boba: C'I go too?  
  
Kat: Sure.  
  
Boba: YES! *turns on his rocket pack and flies away*  
  
Legolas: What about me?  
  
Kat: I've got something... special in mind for you...  
  
Legolas: *gulps*  
  
*cuts to a shot of Legolas trying to teach Kat archery*  
  
Legolas: OW!  
  
Kat: SORRY!  
  
Kit: OW!  
  
Kat: SORRY!  
  
Kit: *rubbing her arm* We should probably end the show before you hurt yourself.  
  
Kat: OW!   
  
Legolas: Too late.  
  
Kit: I meant, we should leave before those medics come back.  
  
Kat: Good idea. OW!  
  
Kit: Well, here ends another episode of RITS.  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Sh-- OW!  
  
Kit: I'm Kit  
  
Kat: And I'm K--  
  
Legolas: AAAAA! *ducks*  
  
Kit: Thanks for watching!  
  
Kat: Bye!  
  
*Show ends with a shot of Legolas crouched on the floor, Kit nursing her wounds, and Kat aiming another arrow. shot fades out*  
  
Legolas: OW!  
  
A/N - Kit: :-D 'nother chappie finished! If you have any questions for Padmé and her handmaidens and Dormé and Cordé, send 'em to KitandKat@proud2beafreak.zzn.com.   
  
Kat: *jumps out and hands lemonade to each and every reviewer* Thank you for your kind words! Here, one for you and you and you... 


	5. RITS Christmas Special Part One: Decorat...

R.I.T.S. Christmas Special Part One: Decorating  
  
A/N - Kit: Hello, lovely readers! Guess what we're doing? That's right! We're having a four-part Holiday Special! So here's the first part, and the other three'll be up soon. Kay? Kay.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kit: Hi, I'm Kit!  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat!  
  
Kit: And you're watching R.I.T.S.!  
  
Kat: Really Insane Talk Show!  
  
Kit: And welcome to the first ever R.I.T.S. Christmas Special!  
  
Kat: We're going to have FOUR episodes full of Christmas FUN!!!!  
  
Kit: YAY!  
  
Kat: And we're going to need a little help, so I summoned. . . Legolas!  
  
Legolas: This is supposed to be a STAR WARS show, not Lord of the Rings!  
  
Kat: Well, it's okay to have ONE LotR character, so shush, assistant.  
  
Legolas: I'm not an assistant! I'm a prince!  
  
Kit: M-hmmm. . . riiiiiiiiiiiiight. . .  
  
Legolas: No, Really! I am!  
  
Kat: Yeeeaaahhhh. . . keep telling yourself that! Okay well, seeing as our TEENY little studio is just to small for our Christmas delightfulness, we've decided that we're going to hold our Christmas specials at. . . THE JEDI TEMPLE!!!!!!  
  
Kit: INVASION!  
  
*both Kit and Kat snap their fingers and they're standing in the middle of the hall at the Jedi Temple with about a bizillion boxes of Christmas decorations around them and a piece of blonde hair coming our from below the boxes*  
  
Kat: Whoops, sorry Legolas. *pulls Legolas out*  
  
Legolas: *reaches up and feels frizz atop his hair* NOOOOO! MY HAIR!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I'LL KILL YOU! *chases Kat around the boxes, shooting arrows at her*  
  
Kit: Okay then. . . well. . . OUCH!!! LEGOLAS, THAT WAS ME!!!! *Kit begins to chase Legolas, who is chasing Kat*  
  
*Yoda steps out of his apartment wearing a very confused looked*  
  
Yoda: Going on here, what is?  
  
Legolas: Attempted murder.  
  
Yoda: All, that is? Back to my soap opera, I go.  
  
Kit: Not JUST attempted murder! A R.I.T.S. Christmas Special held right here in your own Temple *smiles a big smile*  
  
Kat: Yes, and today we're decorating the Hall, and in order for me to do that, I need music and the proper clothes! *spins around and is wearing a green and red striped sweater with white jeans and is wearing a Christmas tree necklace with bobbily Christmas bobbles hanging from her ears and a Santa hat on her head*  
  
Kit: PRIDDY! *jumps in a box and comes out wearing red pants, a baggy green sweat shirt, a necklace of red beads, and tinsel woven into each of her many braids*  
  
Kat: Now for MUSIC!!! *snaps her fingers and a giant stereo is in front of her* Aha! *pulls a CD out of her pocket and pops it in. Linkin park begins to play* Uh. . . wrong CD *pops three red and green CDs into the machine and turns it on*  
  
Legolas: *in the corner brushing his hair furiously* What is this song?  
  
Kit: JINGLE BELLS!!!!!   
  
Yoda: Catchy, this is. *begins to do a little dance*  
  
*music causes a few more Jedi to exit their apartments and come down to see what's going on*  
  
Anakin: What is going on our here? I was trying to watch TV with Pad. . . uhhh. . . Obi-Wan  
  
Padmé: Anakin? What's going on? Oh no, it's THOSE girls again.  
  
Kit: Oh no, it's THAT girl again.  
  
Kat: *groans loudly*  
  
Obi-Wan: KAT!!!! *big goofy grin* Santa DID give me what I wanted for Christmas!  
  
Kat: Erg. . .*sighs* No, sorry Obi-Wan.  
  
Kit: *giggles* Not YET at least, Obi-Wan. *winks at Obi-Wan*  
  
Kat: HEY! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?!?!  
  
Kit: That means Obi has to be a good little boy so he doesn't get a lump of coal, isn't that right widdle Obi?  
  
Obi: Uh huh! I'll do whatever you want!  
  
Kat: Okay, what I need you do to is go off with Legolas and find us a Christmas tree.  
  
Kit: A BIG Christmas tree.  
  
Yoda: Help decorate, can I? *looks at the girls with eager eyes*  
  
*both girls eye the short dude weirdly but then smile and agree*  
  
Kit: SURE ya can help, Yoda, but we don't need you yet.  
  
Kat: Nope not yet, but we'll call you when we do need you, now go find yourself a white outfit, okay?  
  
Yoda: White outfit, I will find. *waddles off to find a white outfit*  
  
Kat: Well, guess we better get started, while we wait for Obi and Legolas to get back with the tree.  
  
Kit: Yeah, we gotta hang Missile Toe around here!  
  
Kat: And wreaths!  
  
Kit: Alright, I'll take the mistletoe and you take the wreaths and we'll meet back here after we got them all hung, okay?  
  
Kat: Alright! *grabs a bundle of wreaths*  
  
Kit: Alright! *grabs a bundle of mistletoe* LET'S GO!  
  
*the two start off at a run, hanging wreaths and mistletoe everywhere*  
  
*after about two minutes they come back panting and marveling at each other's work*  
  
Kit: It's starting to look a little more Christmasy!  
  
Kat: Yeah, but where ARE those guys and that tree?  
  
*at that exact moment, a quarreling Obi and Legolas come into the room dragging a fifty foot tree behind them*  
  
Kit: That tree is PERFECT!  
  
Kat: It's wonderful!  
  
Kit: Big. Very big. *looks up at the ceiling, which is a long ways away* PERFECT!  
  
Kat: You said that already.  
  
Kit: So?  
  
Kat: Just thought I'd point it out.  
  
Obi: KAT IS MINE!  
  
Legolas: For the final time, SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!!!  
  
Kat: BOYS!!!!! KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW OR I'LL WHACK YOU OVER THE HEADS WITH A GIANT CANDY CANE!  
  
Legolas: Sorry.  
  
Obi: Sorry.  
  
Kat: Now you two stand that tree upright so we can decorate it.  
  
Padmé: Oooo, can I help?  
  
Kit: No.  
  
Padmé: Please?  
  
Kit: No.  
  
Padmé: Pretty please???  
  
Kit: NO!  
  
Padmé: *whimpers and goes back to Anakin's apartment*  
  
Anakin: Can I help?  
  
Kat: Sure, you're tall, we need tall people  
  
Anakin: Cool!  
  
Kit: We also need ladders.  
  
Kat: *Looks up* Those could be useful too.  
  
Kit: But, who has ladders?  
  
Kat: well. . . I dunno. . .  
  
Obi: I can get ladders?  
  
Kat: *in a sweet voice* Can you Obi? That would be ever so helpful.  
  
Obi: I'll get them right away.  
  
Kat: *under her breath* Sucker.  
  
Kit: Okay, so while he gets ladders, we can start with lights on the bottom.  
  
Kat: Umm. . . how did the tree get upright?  
  
Legolas: *Blows on fingernails*  
  
Kat: Awww, thanks, Elfie! *hugs Legolas*  
  
Legolas: *blushes*  
  
Kit: I'm surprised you guys haven't noticed but you're standing under mistletoe *points up above Kat and Legolas's head*  
  
Kat: *blushes and kisses Legolas*  
  
Legolas: *blushes a deep red*  
  
Obi: *comes back and sees Legolas and Kat under the mistletoe and runs off crying*  
  
Legolas: Crybaby.  
  
Kit: Kat, look what you've done. Go apologise to poor Obi, it's Christmas time, no one should be alone.  
  
Kat: *pouts* Fine. *stomps off towards Obi's apartment*  
  
Kit: Okay, Legolas, you grab the ladders and lean them against the tree, we're gonna start to put up the lights.  
  
Legolas: Are you sure that's safe?  
  
Kit: Are you kidding? 'Course it isn't safe! But that's the risk ya take.  
  
Legolas: Elves don't even celebrate Christmas, why should I be helping?  
  
Kit: Because you're the only one who we like to torture, and Kat is keeping a safe watch on you, for fear of Kitty * a loud hiss is heard and then Kitty runs away*   
  
*Kat and Obi walk back, Obi looking quite happy and Kat looking quite. . . well. . . disgusted. Obi goes off and starts to climb the ladders while Kat walks over to Kit*  
  
Kit: What did you do to make him happy?  
  
Kat: I kissed him. . .  
  
Kit: Awwwwww. . . how cute! NOT!!!!  
  
Kat: Yeah well, it's the only thing that'd make him stop crying. Oh well, it wasn't THAT bad.  
  
Kit: *snickers*  
  
Legolas: *is climbing up the ladder very carefully*  
  
Kat: Guess we better help them, huh?  
  
Kit: Yup! C'mon!   
  
*both climb up the ladders and begin to put the lights on the tree. Kat sneezes and the tree shakes, causing Legolas's ladder to wiggle. He holds onto the ladder with a death grip and refuses to move*  
  
Kit: Legolas? What's wrong?  
  
Legolas: C-c-c-can't move. S-scared  
  
Kat: Awwww. . . well, there's nothing to worry about, I won't let you fall, I'll use magic to catch you!  
  
Legolas: YOU HAVE MAGIC! YOU COULDA TOLD ME SOONER!  
  
Kit: Know who we need?  
  
Kat: Who?  
  
Kit: Bobbers! He has a rocket pack!  
  
Kat: You're right!  
  
Kit: And it's about time we had him back anyway.  
  
Kat: Yeah, he sure is beginning to like us.  
  
Anakin: *from below* Can't see why!  
  
Kit: I heard that! *throws a bobble at Anakin's head* Get up here and help you prat!  
  
Anakin: *scowls and climbs up another ladder* That hurt!  
  
Kit: Good!   
  
Anakin: *glares at Kit*  
  
Kit: *glares back*  
  
Kat: Alright alright, Kit, call Bobbers.  
  
Kit: Sure thing. *reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rubber chicken, on which she dials a number and hold to her ear* Hi, Bobbers. . . OW! Man, if you gotta scream, scream QUIET LIKE! . . . Well, I just wanted to know if you'd mind coming over to the Jedi Temple and give us a hand with the Christmas Tree. Wha-- Dude, watch your mouth. If you don't wanna come, just say so. . . Oh yeah?. . . Well, FINE! YOU TOO! *slams rubber chicken down on a tree branch, causing Legolas to scream*  
  
Kat: What did he say?  
  
Kit: I can't say. PG fic.  
  
Kat: Oh, yeah. well. . . *snaps fingers, and Boba Fett is sitting on a branch beside Legolas*  
  
Boba: Oh no. . . *to Kit* I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I WASN'T COMING!  
  
Kit: I ignored you.  
  
Legolas: Have you come to get me down?  
  
Kat: Yes, he has.  
  
Boba: I most certainly have not! Send me back right now!  
  
Kit: I could take you back to the Purple Dome...  
  
Boba: *look of horror on his face* Okay, Okay! *grabs Legolas around the waist and takes off*  
  
Legolas: Whee! Look at me! First ever Flying Elf! WAHOOOO!  
  
Obi: *mumbles something we cannot print*  
  
Kat: OBI!  
  
Obi: Sorry! *goes back to putting lights up*  
  
Kit: You do realize we've lighted the whole tree.  
  
Kat: Wha? *looks down* Well look at that, my feet are touching the ground. Ha.  
  
Kit: Okay, now we gotta do tinsel. We need. . . *Han, Leah, Luke and Chewie appear*  
  
Han: Do you need us for a battle?  
  
Luke: *staring at Anakin oddly* I look just like you!  
  
Anakin: In your dreams, Farm-Boy!  
  
Padmé: *walks out of Anakin's apartment* Hey, that girl looks JUST like me.  
  
Anakin: I was just thinking the same thing *continues to stare at Leia*  
  
Padmé: *slaps Anakin* ANAKIN! *stomps back to Anakin's apartment*  
  
Kat: Well someone's touchy today. . .  
  
Kit: Alright people! We need tinsel put up! So let's go to work! *hands everyone a bundle of tinsel and sets them to work*  
  
Chewie: *eats his tinsel and burps*  
  
Kit: Awww. . .Chewie! *hands him another bundle* Don't eat this one, you hang it on the tree, like this. *demonstrates*  
  
Chewie: Rooooarrrrrrgggggoooo.....  
  
Kat: *busies herself with magically setting candles around the room*  
  
Kit: Alright everyone! Good job!!!! *shakes her head as Chewie eats his tinsel yet again* Alright Chewie, how 'bout you go outside and put up lights outside, you can do that. Okay?  
  
Chewie: *roars happily and runs outside with the lights*  
  
Kit: Alright Kat, the tinsel is done! We need to put up the ornaments now!   
  
Kat: And for ornaments we need someone as shiny as the ornaments themselves!  
  
Kit: MACEY!!!!  
  
*Mace Windu walks out wearing a Santa hat, Santa coat and big black boots*  
  
Mace: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!  
  
Kit: *gets into football huddle with everyone around* Alright, here's the plan. We put these ornaments on this tree and make it good!  
  
Kat: *in tough football voice* I don't want any screw ups here people! If you mess this up, you could ruin Christmas.  
  
*Loud gasps are heard*  
  
Kat: *laughs* You can't ruin Christmas, *goes back to tough voice* but you can ruin our tree!  
  
Kit: Alright! That's the plan! *all put hands together and throw them up* BREAK!  
  
*everyone goes about putting ornaments on the tree, Kat floating magically, putting candy canes up. Bobbers putting up little hanging Santas. Mace hanging up shiny bobbles, making the light from his head and the bobble to cause a bright flash through the room. Kit busying herself hanging up crystal icicles and Anakin and Legolas hanging up little wooden snowflakes*  
  
Anakin: OW, Legolas, that one hit my head!  
  
Legolas: Sorry.  
  
Anakin: That's the third one tonight, Butterfingers!  
  
Legolas: *sniff* I said I was sorry!  
  
Anakin: Well I don't care!  
  
Kit: Anakin! Time Out!  
  
Anakin: Aw, do I gotta?  
  
Kit: Unless you want a lot more than snowflake ornament to hit you on the head.  
  
Anakin: *scurries over to the corner* Alright! I'm going!  
  
*Han and Leia hung up little sets of doves and Luke hung up little wooden heads based on the people of the temple and everyone present wearing Santa hats and reindeer horns except for Kit, who is wearing bunny ears*  
  
Kat: Um, Kit?  
  
Kit: Yeah?  
  
Kat: Here *hands Kit a pair of reindeer horns* You may wanna wear these instead.  
  
Kit: Sure.  
  
*Obi hung up little hearts, sighing and looking at Kat each time he did*  
  
Kit: It's finished!  
  
Kat: GET THE LIGHTS!'  
  
Han: *runs and plugs in the tree and flicks off the lights*  
  
*everyone stares in awe and gasps in wonder*  
  
Kat: It's so priddy!  
  
Kit: SO VERY PRIDDY!!!!  
  
Chewie: *enters the room and growls happily*  
  
Han: He wants us to come outside!  
  
*everyone walks outside into a blank yard*  
  
Kit: OH MY STARS! WE FORGOT. . .  
  
Kit and Kat together: SNOW! *the two snap their fingers and snow begins to fall*  
  
*Chewie turns on the switch for the lights outside and everyone stares in awe of the WONDERFUL job Chewie did*  
  
Kit: This is great!  
  
Kat: This Christmas is gonna be fun!  
  
Obi: Lot's of fun!  
  
Kit: Oh! One last thing!  
  
Kat: What?  
  
Kit: *mutters* Yoda.  
  
Kat: Oh!  
  
*both run back inside, followed by confused people*  
  
Kat: YODA! WE NEED YOU NOW!  
  
*Yoda waddles in wearing what looks like a hastily cut white bedsheet stapled together in what could look sorta like a robe, if you squint*  
  
Yoda: Help now, can I?  
  
Kit: Yes. Here. *slaps a golden circle on Yoda's head*  
  
Kat: *puts golden wings on Yoda's back*  
  
Kit: Boba?  
  
Boba: What?  
  
Kit: Would you be so kind as to place Yoda in the place of honour? *nods head in the direction of the tree*   
  
Boba: What? Oh. . . no problem. *carries Yoda to the tippy-top of the Christmas tree and throws him onto the topmost branch*  
  
Yoda: My job, this is?!?!?! Supposed to sit on the tree, I am?!?!?!?!  
  
Kat: Awwww, you make a CUTE angel!!!!   
  
Kit: Yeah! I love it!  
  
Yoda: Shut up, you will.  
  
*all gather around the tree and sing O! Christmas Tree*  
  
Kit: So concludes our first Christmas special!  
  
Kat: Come back next time for more Christmas fun!  
  
Kit: I'm Kit!  
  
Kat: And I'm Kat!  
  
Kit and Kat: And you're watching RITS! Goodnight folks and Merry Christmas!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: - Kit: Okay, I know it's a bit shorter than all the other ones (at least I think it is. Maybe it's not), But remember, it's in four parts.  
  
Kat: *hands out candy canes to all the reviewers* 


End file.
